I got up this morning, per the usual time. Nothing out of the ordinary. Cat follows me to bathroom, I coddle him with lots of love and affection as I try in vain (looking in the mirror) to get ready for work. So, an idea popped into my head...why can't I have a day to be like a cat? No, I don't want to lick myself or chase silly toys for 4 hours, but I would like the pleasure of sleeping at the drop of a hat at any point during the day. I would also like the ability to have food and water on hand at any moment of the day. Annddddd...I would like my sole job to just be a lazy housecat. To not leave the house for a WHOLE day...??? I really doubt I could actually do that. Sorry I thought about it.
So far my day has consisted of scaring off a squirrel trying to get a nut, a bird catching a worm, and walking into a spider web. This all happened in a 30 second time span as I was getting out of my car.
Why is it, when you go to the post office, not only are the lines long, but the damn people employed are sloowwwwww as hell. And to make matters worse, you have the douche bags that get in line to ask a gazillion packaging questions. Like: "What would it cost me to air lift this giant baboon to Macon, GA?" The ever friendly postal worker looks at the man, then looks at the woman at the register next to him, then walks away, drinks a cup of coffee, smokes a cigarette, and comes back with the answer. "Sir, it will cost you $21.53 if you go with the overnight option, or if you prefer the standard first class option..." (adding more options as he goes along). The waiting man weighed out his options and looked at his wife, who looked at the other woman behind the counter, who THEN turned around and noticed the line out the door, and said "Okay, I think I would rather go with Fed/Ex. Thank you for your time."
hmmm...thank you for your time? What about "Sorry, I took up a lot of VALUABLE time and wasted everyone's time here in the line. I do realize that I am a douche and purposely drive to area post offices and do such things as this."
Of course, I am like, number 12 in line. What was meant to be a trip to pick up a particular book of stamps, turned out to be a 30 minute trip. The best part is, I got the LAST book of the Magnolia/Southern Homes and Garden special stamps. Who knew that stamp collecting was still a hobby?
Gotta love the phone calls that come to me. I document the ones that I feel are worth remembering. oh...if only this phone had caller I.D. Here goes:
*phone rings*
Me: Good morning ABC medical company
Caller: uhh, hiiiiiiiiiii....I was looking for La Blah de Blah Apartments and must have dialed the wrong number...silly me.
Me: Oh, that's okay...it happens all of the time. Here is their number. It's 44..
Caller: Wait...let me get a pen. Okay, what is the #?
Me: It's 443
Caller: fourrrrrrr fourrrrrr
Me: 3
Caller: Threeeeeeee
Me: 0999
Caller: zerooo?
Me: Yes, 0. 0999.
Caller: Zeroooo, nine, nine, what?
Me: NINE.
gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
*blackout*
*curtain closes*
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