So, now I have a better appreciation for Wal Mart. And no, it isn't the low prices, or their pizza, or their store brand of cinnamon toast cereal. It's due to the spawning of the website http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/ that has made me totally appreciate going into this retail giant. Why, where else can you see the mullet in all its glory? Who else would boast of their ability to attract the cougars of the area? And, where else can you go to see butt crack and boobs? Remember, Wal Mart is a family friendly place.
With that said...going there, you must be armed with patience. Patience is a virtue, especially when battling it out in the parking lot war zone. Everyone wants to park close, because NO ONE wants to park more than 7 spaces away. Parking spaces are created conveniently right by the door so those who just can't bear parking in that 8th space away can just walk right on in. The beauty of it all is, they are clearly painted with red stripes. Silly me, I thought this was an indicator of a fire zone. I guess that it's just Wal Mart's way of rolling out the red carpet, while they roll back the prices. Wow, that's some kind of service.
One foot in the door and already you see the ubiquitous WM greeter, followed by the thoughtless customer who just stops right there in the door to ask where customer service is. This causes a back up in the traffic flow of walking patrons. Making your way to your destination might require a side step of dodging run away kids with shopping carts. Parents are seemingly never around. Coincidence perhaps? Then there's the shopping snail. They're the ones who slowly check out each...and...every...item in the whole store. Their cart couldn't be going any faster than -0 mph. Snails are literally in the way in every sense. They park the cart at an angle, so no one can get around them. Just try and look for that can of chicken soup and lo and behond, the snail is there blocking the view. So, make your way to the canned green beans, wait...the cart is in the way. So, let me slide backwards and look for the water chestnuts. Nope, there comes the significant other of the snail, the sloth. The sloth covers the other end of the aisle. You're trapped. They're a team and they know how to maximize their shopping experience. Heck, they probably traveled a good mile to get to the nearest WM, and that's a road trip for them.
Just take a walk by the bakery now. You have the mother who orders the chicken tenders for her kids. The kids are crying, so sure...open up the chicken tenders and entertain them while you shop. Then, when they're done, promptly throw the trash away. Or as I like to say, the EVIDENCE. Yep, you just stole chicken tenders and knew good and well that you weren't going to pay for them. That's a fine example to set for your kids. I never understood why there wasn't a way to pay for the bakery items at the bakery. I am sure they lose money all of the time.
Certain WM's have also become a spot for family reunions, class reunions, church get togethers, etc...these are the hoards of people that like to congregate in the middle of the aisle or in front of a display that you might actually want to look at. They either ooohhing and ahhhing over a baby, talking about where someone got their hair done at, what the preacher said today.
Now, it's time to check out. You've got only 3 items, so let's head over to the express lane. NOPE. The 20 items or less doesn't apply to the soccer mom with 50 items. So, head over to a regular check out. NOPE. Someone's card isn't going thru. Time to call the manager. Head to the next line...finally the line is moving. NOPE. As soon as you get there, it's time for the cashier to go on break. Let's change out the registers.
Pay, grab your stuff, leave...stop at the door first. You've activated WM's extensive security system. Back up or you will face the consqequences. Just hand the receipt to the greeter and she will simply run her highlighter up the receipt. You're good to go.
Now my friends, that is how you shop at Wal Mart.
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