*RING RING*
Me: Good morning, XYZ Medical Company
Caller: Hi, I need to speak to someone who handles your collections.
Me: Ummm, uhhhh, errrr, (not really sure where this could go). Are you trying to pay a bill?
Caller: No, just want to speak the person who handleszzzzzz your collections.
(with a strong emphasis on the "z" sound on "handles")
Me: (said in a cheerful tone) Well, you've dialed a retirement home. I don't think you'll find who you're looking for here.
Caller: (said in a smug, sarcastic tone) Ohhhh darrrrrn. I've dialed a reTIREment home. Welllll, shoot...(pauses for a second) Heyyyy, would YOU like to do some collecting? (chuckling to himself)
Me: *hangs up REALLY QUICKLY*
I....uh...I feel a little bit, umm, violated? Sleezy? Don't you? I just picture the caller sitting in a leather chair, smoking a cigar, drinking a glass of Scotch, wearing a cheap polyester suit, going thru the phone book and just randomly picking out businesses to call and use bad one-liners on. And SOMEHOW the image of Ron White popped in my head.
Anyhow, I stumbled across this website the other day. I got in another acute fit of office related boredom and googled "spelling errors on grocery lists" and found this lovely website http://www.grocerylists.org/
This site is chock FULLof lists that people have sent in. THIS MAKES ME WASTE A LOT OF TIME AT WORK!
Observation:
While at the checkout at a hardware store across the street, I couldn't help but notice a dude (around college age, I presume) had drawn a watch on his arm with his ball point pen. I regret not asking him why he did this.
Annoyance:
A commercial advertising Excedrin Migraine medicine. A woman steps outside of her home to see her husband getting ready to do some work. "Oh, you're washing the house?" "No" he says, "not wash, POWERWASH!". And in an instant, she gets a migraine. The annoying part is how quickly the migraine came on. He's powerwashing, not gambling away your savings.
Overheard:
I was listening to the radio and a song by Rhianna comes on. The lyrics scream to me: "Fell in love in a HOMEless place". Yeah, that IS what I heard. **yes, yes I know it's "hopeless", but still...
Speaking of hearing lyrics the wrong way. Nirvana is/was one of my favorite bands. For years, I would sing the lyrics "I could see from shame" to the song All Apologies. **yes, yes I know it's "Aqua Seafoam Shame", but still...
And another lyrical mishap: The T-Mobile Christmas commercial. The whimsical little elves are singing "Winter Wonderland" when lo and behold, they get to a line that makes me stop what I'm doing..."Walking in an Orgy Wonderland"...Really? **yes, yes I know it's "Walking in a 4G Wonderland", but still...
I've done enough damage here. Let me go and clean out my ears.
Until next time, I shall remain:
Hopeless and sleezy in a Never a Real Winter Wonderland here in the South.
.
My mother loves telling the story that when I was a kid, I would sing Zip A Dee Doo Dah lyrics the wrong way. My lyrics: "Bennie the sunshine gets in my way." The correct ones: "Plenty of sunshine headed my way."
ReplyDelete