Sgt. Snarky reporting for duty, SIR.

At least 3 or 4 times day I receive calls from people asking if we're hiring.  There's always the one that makes me cringe.  The one that reeks of horrible grammar.  The one that makes me want to shove my arm thru the phone and grab their mouth on the other end and just shut it for them.

Today was just that.

I got a call promptly at 8:00 a.m. asking if I would be willing to accept their resume if they dropped it off.  I told her that we no longer accepted paper resumes, that everything we do is online.

BIG AWKWARD MOMENT OF SILENCE

I said "hello?"  (did she hang up??)

Caller grumbles: "whatcha mean, online?  I can't just drop it off?"

Me: "No, I'm sorry.."

BIG AWKWARD MOMENT OF SILENCE

Caller: "Well is there an actual HR person I can speak wif ?" (yes, she said wif)

Me: "Yes, her number is 555-5555 ext 555"

BIG AWKWARD MOMENT OF SILENCE

Caller: "No, I wanted a job line.  You know, where they tell me if I can be hired out or not?" (yes, she said hired out or not)

Me; "Ummmm. Oh, okay.  (let me mentally try and understand what you mean.  GAH.  It's 8:00.) Try 555-5544."  (not really sure where that was taking her, but it took her away from me.  It is another HR line though).

Enough of the 8:00 drama.  I mean, 8:00 itself is a dramatic time of the morning.  No one is ever in a good mood.  I get to work and my residents are reading the obituary section of the paper.  Yeah.  grim.

Some random nuggets of overheard conversations while out in public places, because I can't make this stuff up. It truly happens:
(man on cell phone): "I done told her that no one wants to see her pregnant ass up in here"

(college girl at check out line in CVS): "Y'all really carry a CVS version of chapstick?"
**side note, it was all I could do to not burst forth with laugher at this girl**

(soccer mom to another soccer mom at Bruno's): "I just don't get the point of the giraffe trend"
**side note, it was all I could do to not stand there and listen to the rest of that conversation**

Things that I feel I should warn you about:
As a friend, I feel as though you need to be warned of a couple of things.
1. If you happen to need to head north/south on I-65, say towards Exit 10 and 13, hold your nose.  There is some kind of dead body, rotten egg, bad sewage type smell going on in those woods.  The effluvient smell is enough to make you gag and put your foot down on that gas pedal.  Drive as fast as you can past these two exits. 

2. Speaking of sewage: Facebook is nothing but vast puddles of sewage for some, and a ride in a theme park for others (like myself).  I don't complain about changes that are made.  I simply just accept and embrace them.  Everytime people whine about the changes, I say "Let's Eat Cheese to go with that whine!"  So I'm warning you, don't be shocked by the changes.  They happen all of the time.  Yes, it can be annoying.  But still...deal with it.

3. Lastly, Tom Brady's hair is now endorsing Ugg boots.

Until next time, I shall remain:
Awkwardly silenced from the bad smell