Aye! A trip to the EYE doctor.

As per the title, I had a trip to the eye doctor recently.   And it was NOT a pleasant experience at that.  I went to Aye Yay Yay Eye doctors (not the real name, of course). This place labels itself the "best" in what they do.  HA!  Not a chance.  If anything, I had a more pleasant experience with my OBGYN appointment last May (see my post "Being a Contestant on the Waiting game" about THAT visit, ugh)

For starters, I get there and play the waiting game, only this time there are no magazines to read.  Only brochures about this "best" company in the land.  My appointment was set for 4:45.  I get there 15 minutes early to fill out the paper work.  I noticed people in the waiting area coughing, sneezing, hacking, dying, itching, etc...I also further notice people going over to the eyeglasses display to try on their favorite frames.  Hundreds of frames to choose from.  Probably an average of hundred people come thru there each week trying on said frames.  I am willing to bet money that no one that works there actually cleans the frames.  In fact, I bet these frames harbor more germs than your toilet and my toilet, and heck, even your neighbor's toilet combined! 

Next stop, the preliminary testing room.  This is where you stand in front of an eye chart and dutifully call out the lowest line you can read.  Covering one eye.  Then the other. Then looking at it with both eyes.  After that, I sit at the machine that has a place to rest your chin and a place to press your forehead in. Then the assistant scans my eyes and without warning, POOF.  A puff of air or whatever it is, comes out and scares the bejeebers out of me.  I am then directed to another waiting area, down the hall.  I mean, literally down the hall.  Like several doors down. A half a mile down.

Finally, the doctor calls for me.  But not in a pleasant tone either.  More like, she opened her office door (at the OTHER end of this long hallway) and yelled out my name.  I hopped up, but apparently since I didn't appear at the blink of an eye, she starts hollering it again.  Once in there, we go thru the usual "Have you ever worn contacts?" and the "Since you have worn them, what is your maintenance schedule like?" and other blah blah blah nonsensery stuff.  Just GET ON WITH THE EXAM.

Okay, now here is my least favorite part.  This is where you look thru this occular receptorish type thingy.  I'm asked if I like option 1 or option 2.  Impatiently she asks again.  Option 1 or Option 2. 
"ugh, um, I think I like 1 better." 
As if she didn't trust me, she said 1??  Well, how about 2 or 3?
(long pause from me)
 2 OR 3?
"um, 3, oh no, wait...maybe it's 2...I'm so confused..."
Here is 2....here is 3.  Now which do you like better?
"Oh heck, 3.  Three is always better."
Alright, 4 or 5?
(even longer pause)
4 or 5? ......4....or....5?  ........Answer me now, or I will shoot.
(blinking the tears out of my eyes)
"5....wahhhhhhhhh.....I don't know....help me...."

Okay M'am, you're done.  And your prescription has not changed. We unfortunately do not carry your normal brand of contacts, would you like a trial pair of this non-brand name? 
(drying my tears and shaking from fear)
"yes, a trial pair will be (gulp) fffffine (shaking)."

So I am now kicked out of the room and thrust back into the waiting room. The perpetual breeding ground for germs. The room that reminds me of Hotel California.  The room where I will retire.  I wait and I wait.  And waited some more.  Crying babies, more sneezing, more coughing, fighting young couple, the smelly guy, the lady with the weird eye thing going on, etc....these were the inhabitants of THE WAITING ROOM.  *cue soap opera music*

Finally, I am called to the front desk.  No, I wasn't called, my name was yelled out.  I digress.  I get to the counter armed with my card to pay for this adventure and get my trial pair of non-brand name contacts, only to find that they haven't processed the paperwork that I so diligently worked on.  It was then that they finally got my insurance filed.  Not during the visit, but right when I was ready to get out of there.  And on top of that, the girl was trying to sell me 4 boxes of the aforementioned contacts.  FOUR.  I told her that I was told by Dr. So and So that I was to get a trial pair ONLY.  She said they didn't have any trial pairs left to give out.  Then I said, well I just want ONE box.  ONE.  (see I do know my numbers).  The girl then made a low comment under her breath "I am not sure how to only charge her for ONE box"....REALLY?  She runs away, gets some help, they yack about J-Lo on American Idol, then they decide to process my order the right way.

I got my ONE box.  I am on my way home.  It's after 6:00 on a Friday night. I am still shaking, someone hold me...wahhhhhhhhh :(
The end.

Until next time, EYE shall remain,
me, myself, and EYE
or just full of static.  Whichever, I don't care.